I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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