Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
