is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
