Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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