Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
