before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
