you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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