did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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