there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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