Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it because I queefed?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
