Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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