Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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