Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
