I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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