i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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