Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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