Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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