i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
