i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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