What did we do last night that was yellow?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
