one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
