I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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