I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
