You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
