Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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