OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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