New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish you could order shots online.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
