it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
