in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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