I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
