Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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