youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
