um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
