how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
