We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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