I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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