It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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