I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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