your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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