she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
