I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
