i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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