No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
