you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
