please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
