just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
