After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
