She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
