she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.