Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.