dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.