You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.