Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.