I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon