Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
