tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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