Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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