i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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