Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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