so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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