oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
