If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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