we have pet lesbian snakes
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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