My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
