you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
