the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
