Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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