I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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