Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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