he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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