You made me cry and you don't even care
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
