based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
