Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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